Breaking Free from Approval Addiction: A Personal Journey
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Understanding the Struggle with Approval
Have you ever found yourself seeking validation from others? You might be grappling with approval addiction without even realizing it.
For a significant portion of my adult life, I have wrestled with the challenge of letting go of others' opinions about me. A quote that has resonated with me throughout the years is:
"What others think and say about you is none of your business." — Roy T. Bennett, The Light in the Heart.
I've clung to this wisdom, hoping it would eventually bring me some relief.
The Nature of the Problem
It’s only natural for us to care about how others perceive us; this instinct can sometimes motivate us to improve ourselves. For instance, valuing your family’s opinions can guide you toward positive choices, especially in a supportive family environment.
We are inherently wired to seek approval from those we cherish. While this can foster healthy relationships, it becomes problematic when we allow their opinions to dictate our lives. Making decisions solely based on what others think can lead to significant issues.
Often, we presume to know what others are thinking, but the reality is, they might not be thinking about us at all. This realization can be incredibly freeing.
Additionally, not everyone has our best interests at heart. Even if their opinions seem helpful, they stem from their own personal experiences. Lastly, we can never fully know another person. You might believe that your partner understands you completely, but we all harbor emotions and thoughts that are difficult to articulate to others.
The real dilemma arises when I realized I was overly concerned about the opinions of strangers. Why would I give power to people who didn't even know me?
As a result, I pursued a degree that I thought would elevate my status and income, leading me to a career that was supposed to bring me success. In reality, my true aspiration was to become an interior designer. However, I was afraid others would judge this choice as unwise for a single mother. I figured that becoming a CPA would make me appear intelligent and financially secure.
While opportunities in interior design were limited in my area when I attended college, I no longer utilize my accounting degree either. My dislike for accounting has persisted, and I hope to never engage with it again. For years, I followed the path I believed was right—often at the cost of my happiness—simply because I was preoccupied with others' judgments.
The Path to Liberation
I don’t claim to be an authority on this subject. It's a challenge I continue to face today. However, I find that with age, this burden tends to lighten. I worry far less about others' opinions at 50 than I did in my 30s and even 40s. For some, this realization may only come with time.
There's a scripture that has always resonated with me:
“…We are not trying to please people but God, who tests our hearts.” — 1 Thessalonians 2:4 [NIV].
This verse carries profound meaning. While we are called to serve others, it doesn’t mean we must always seek to please them.
Consider this example: if God places it on your heart to become a police officer, you will be serving the community, but you won't always satisfy everyone’s expectations. God may prompt you to undertake actions that seem illogical to others. I once heard Beth Moore recount a moment at an airport where she felt called to brush a man’s hair while he sat in a wheelchair with tangled locks.
Despite her initial reluctance and internal debate with God, she ultimately obeyed and discovered that her act of kindness brought the man to tears as he prepared to reunite with a long-lost love. Had she succumbed to the fear of what onlookers might think, she would have missed the chance to bless a stranger.
Ultimately, we must ask ourselves who truly holds the reins of our lives—God or a passerby?