# Study Reveals Eating Frogs Doesn't Boost Productivity: A Satirical Look
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Understanding the Frog Phenomenon
In a recent and amusing study, researchers uncovered that consuming frogs does not contribute to a more productive or successful life. This finding has left many business executives reassessing their strategies.
In a late-night brainstorming session fueled by pizza, lead biochemist Ph.D. candidate Alfred B. Oldman recounted how the team formulated their hypothesis. They were discussing a book that reportedly sold over 2 million copies, the first edition of which — known as the “green book” — was aimed at business professionals but had fewer sales. The book claims that eating frogs can combat procrastination, which annoyed some of the team members who were both gardeners and frog enthusiasts. This sparked the idea to conduct a study to investigate the claims.
Research Methodology
Over the course of four years, the study involved participants from 50 major U.S. cities, with ages ranging from 25 to 80. Volunteers were recruited through local Craig’s List postings, and a variety of green frogs were incorporated into their diets. To eliminate any bias, the participants were unaware of which frog species they were consuming or how the frogs were integrated into their meals. The study adhered to the book's advice to "eat the frog first thing in the day," focusing solely on breakfast.
A range of assessments, including cognitive tests and brain imaging, were performed on the participants. Across all demographics, except one, there were no significant performance improvements. In fact, among those aged 60-80, procrastination levels appeared to rise. Attendance at breakfast sessions noticeably declined during the latter part of the study.
The Unforeseen Outcome
Interestingly, a specific subgroup dubbed TNT20, which inadvertently consumed a toxic variety of frog, experienced tragic results — all members perished.
Oldman remarked, “We specifically sourced non-toxic green frogs for our study to align with the book's premise. However, we later learned that the vendor shipped toxic dart frogs alongside the green ones. Due to the comprehensive nature of our study, it was impossible to track which frogs were consumed by each volunteer. Autopsies revealed the presence of toxins in the deceased participants, prompting us to contact the vendor. It was a shocking turn of events. We considered using rats for our research, but that would have compromised our cognitive tests aimed at validating our hypothesis — that eating frogs does not enhance performance and can be lethal in certain cases.”
The families of the deceased participants were not charged for the autopsies.
The U.S. Department of Health and Human Services, which financed this study, did not provide any comments on the findings.
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Susan B. is a multifaceted individual — an entrepreneur, writer, editor, poet, and ship captain. Her insights were penned in the Garden during a collaborative women’s writing event. Click the image below to engage with the community.