Chapter 1: The Mind and Beyond

Throughout my life, my intellect has always been my guiding light. It has steered me through challenges and uncertainties, providing a comforting space to escape the chaos of reality. I cherish my mind as a trusted companion.

This reflection raises an interesting question: who exactly is the "I" in this equation? Clearly, there is more to my existence than mere thoughts. Yet, picturing my mind as a friend to my feelings feels more accurate. After all, it's my feelings that understand the essence of friendship. While dissecting the duality of mind and body can lead us into complex philosophical debates, it serves as a useful framework for our discussion.

For much of my life, I resided in my thoughts. My body, however, often felt like a playground—something to be used for amusement while largely ignored.

Despite my attempts to evade my feelings, they have remained a constant presence. In fact, emotions existed long before our self-aware minds evolved. According to evolution, I am fundamentally a being of sensations, much like every other creature. Beneath the incessant chatter of my mind lies a vital part of me, alive with feelings that I have often chosen to overlook.

I didn't always dwell in my thoughts. Initially, I was a fully sensory individual, experiencing emotions freely—at least for a brief time. However, the intensity of those sensations became overwhelming. As a child, neglect left scars, and I learned to retreat into my mind, where I felt I had control and could avoid pain.

Ignoring my emotions worked to some extent. I fidgeted, clenched my muscles, and found temporary solace through distractions.

Yet, this strategy eventually faltered. A few years back, I stumbled upon the transformative idea of integrating my body into emotional healing. I explored Somatic Experience therapy, read insightful literature, and attended workshops, including one led by Peter Levine. This journey was disorienting but enlightening, teaching me to embrace rather than escape my feelings.

Now, the weight of suppressing my pain has become as unbearable as the pain itself. Facing my emotions has become my new goal, despite the challenges it brings.

I wish I could say that this process was a simple fix, but healing is a gradual journey. Unpacking decades of grief, loss, and anger is no easy feat. These emotions can be daunting, which is precisely why I avoided them in the past. However, I am no longer a powerless child; with the guidance of skilled professionals, I am navigating through this emotional landscape, bit by bit.

As I confront my sadness, I find myself able to cry in unexpected moments—whether in the car before a performance or during a stroll through the market. It turns out, there are many opportunities to allow those tears to flow.

Anger, however, remains a more complex emotion for me. It's the most stigmatized of feelings, often more intimidating than any forbidden fruit. Recognizing it has been a challenge, especially when it manifests in outbursts.

Nevertheless, I am learning to acknowledge and accept all my emotions. My hope is that the more I allow my feelings to flow, the less anxious I will be about suppressing them. Ultimately, relief from the tension caused by resisting my emotions may be the key to my healing. Perhaps true healing lies in reclaiming the full sensory experience we all had in our early days. The more I connect with my feelings—grief, sadness, and anger included—the richer my life becomes.

In this insightful video, "How to FEEL again - Reconnecting to Your Emotions," the speaker shares valuable techniques for rediscovering one's feelings and emotional health.

The video "Learning To Feel Again - Living a Life With Passion For Women Over 60" offers inspiration and guidance for embracing emotions and living a fulfilled life.

Chapter 2: The Path to Emotional Freedom

My mind has always aimed to safeguard my feelings, even when it inadvertently led me to ignore them. Now, it seems that the true path to experiencing life fully involves stepping back and allowing myself to feel once again.

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