Embracing the Many Faces of Fanae-5: A Self-Discovery Journey
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Chapter 1: The Challenge of Self-Discovery
On April 22, 2022, Diana C., the founding editor of Know Thyself — Heal Thyself, released a set of 20 prompts. I decided to challenge myself to respond to one each day, believing that a touch of discipline could be beneficial. My first response came on April 24th. While I didn't achieve my daily submission goal, I am excited to share my reflections on the final prompt, which provided a profound self-exploration experience.
Notable contributors to this endeavor included talented writers such as jules, Ravyne Hawke, Spyder, and George Blue Kelly.
Prompt #20 — The Final Reflection
What if you ceased to distinguish between the different versions of yourself and allowed the beautifully imperfect artist to emerge in spaces often resistant to complexity?
The Journey of Integration
I have gradually been on a path toward embracing and accepting the various facets of Fanae-5, sometimes consciously and other times unconsciously. A colleague once advised me, "Just wait until you hit 40 — many of the things that trouble you now will fade away." I can attest to that, and even more so, since turning 50. Now, seven years into my 50s, I find that accepting my different selves provides me with a sense of confidence and tranquility.
Celebrating Natural Beauty
After years of chemically relaxing my naturally curly hair, I made the decision to let my hair flourish in its natural state. I am grateful that my parents did not permit me to relax my hair until my senior year of high school. Interestingly, I began to notice a streak of silver in my hair during my 40s, which remained hidden until I separated my curls. Ultimately, I chose to eliminate harmful chemicals from my hair care routine, a decision influenced by Chris Rock’s enlightening special on "good hair." Instead of making a drastic cut, I opted for protective styling to let the relaxer grow out gradually while trimming the remaining relaxed ends.
As the relaxer faded, the silver streak became more prominent. To this day, I have minimal noticeable gray, mostly around my hairline. I often joke with my daughters that one day I will sport beautiful silver hair against my rich chocolate complexion, reminiscent of a Hershey's kiss. However, if I leave my hair styled in twists or braids for too long, I feel stifled and yearn to let that part of me breathe.
Weight and Wellness
As for weight, the notion of "baby weight" is a distant memory, considering my youngest is now 19. Yes, my metabolism has slowed, but the biggest factor impacting my health is my current work-from-home lifestyle, which has led to less physical activity. I convinced myself that working upstairs would help, believing that the stairs would provide some exercise. Initially, I committed to a daily workout video before starting my workday, but an unfortunate case of tennis elbow forced me to pause my efforts.
Join me in the "Exercisers Anonymous" group! We’ve tried it all and recognize the importance of treating our bodies as temples, nourished with healthy food and movement. Losing weight essentially comes down to burning more calories than we consume. Looking good in our clothes is a bonus! But who defines what looks good? Both a size 6 and a size 16 can be stylish, as long as they set their own standards.
For my own journey, I rebooted my Fitbit, which might be an older model, but it still does the trick. I track my food intake and workouts, gaining valuable insights into my health without adding to my mobile data plan! I've also rejoined Planet Fitness and have been consistent for a week now. As a morning person, I treat my commute to Planet Fitness as if I'm heading out for a 1.5-hour drive to work at 6:15 a.m., which floods me with much-needed endorphins for my current professional role. I discarded my home treadmill years ago, as it had become nothing more than an extension of my closet.
The Importance of Acceptance
I frequently remind my friends in the LGBTQ community that we can both enter a room without anyone knowing their sexual orientation. Yet, when I step into a space, stereotypes often arise. People see an African American woman (and assume she must be an angry one) with natural hair and a vibrant presence!
I've been told:
- I don't look, act, or speak as if I’m 57.
- My smile has a warming effect on others.
- To embrace my weight as an abundance of lusciousness—I'll take that!
As we grow older, maintaining our health becomes crucial. We hope to have nurtured relationships where quality outweighs quantity. Ultimately, I aspire to accept and integrate all my facets, hoping that others will remember me fondly, as Maya Angelou suggested.
Acknowledgments
A heartfelt thank you to everyone who has taken the time to engage with my stories! I hope you find inspiration or motivation here, just as your stories do for me! Feel free to share a link to your own work for "my library." I occasionally write pieces highlighting stories from "my library." Let's continue to support and uplift one another!