# Embracing Solitude: A Journey of Self-Discovery After a Breakup
Written on
Chapter 1: A New Reality
Who would have imagined being single in your late thirties? While I sensed it might happen, I could never foresee this becoming my life when I was in my twenties. Initially, I regarded it as fate; now, I see it as a blessing. Here’s how I coped with the conclusion of my five-year relationship. If you're in a similar situation, my experience may resonate with you. I want to reassure you that, despite the overwhelming feelings (and the reactions of family and friends), this isn't the end of the world; it’s an opportunity to reclaim your life.
To provide some background: I’m now 38, and the breakup happened two years ago. If you’re reading this, it’s clear I’ve emerged from that challenging time, and I’m here to share my story. So, let’s explore this together.
I met my ex when I moved to London, shortly after ending my engagement at 30 (I’m starting to think I’m a cliché, but I survived that too). I relocated to a trendy warehouse in East London, sharing it with two guys, one of whom eventually became my boyfriend.
We both moved in during early July, but it wasn't until a Monday morning that we first met. From our introduction, I felt a spark in the way he looked at me. He was charming and different from my usual type, and I couldn't resist the urge to flirt.
Over the next month, we began spending more time together—cooking, watching movies, shopping, and sharing weekends. Although he liked me, he was careful not to make it obvious. Friends speculated about our relationship, but it was primarily a deep friendship. I often playfully teased him to gauge his reactions, but he kept his feelings under wraps until his birthday.
The day before his birthday, I invited him to a French restaurant. We enjoyed a bottle of red wine, returned home, and shared music and conversation. That evening, he finally kissed me, and we spent the night together.
However, our relationship didn't unfold without its challenges. Despite starting on a romantic note, we were cautious because we valued our living arrangements and didn’t want our relationship to jeopardize it. Exactly four months later, we officially became a couple, marking the start of our true journey together.
Section 1.1: The Dynamics of Living Together
Our relationship was unconventional; we were always together due to our shared living space. We took turns staying in each other's rooms for a while, keeping our relationship a secret from our flatmate for five months. Like any relationship, we experienced highs and lows, but we also shared many wonderful moments. After two and a half years, we moved out of the warehouse into our own apartment. Together, we traveled across Asia and explored various continents. He met my family multiple times, and I visited his home as well. We grew as partners, and I can genuinely say it was my best relationship to date—healthy, filled with open communication, and aligned aspirations.
But everything changed with the onset of COVID-19. Despite the challenges the pandemic brought, we made an effort to adapt by learning new things and respecting each other's space. However, we faced a growing distance between us. It had been a year since we were intimate, and although we discussed it, we struggled to understand what had shifted. While our love remained strong, the attraction had faded.
My ex was seven years younger, and when I turned 35, I began to ponder our future. After five years together, I wanted to know if he envisioned a long-term commitment. When I broached the topic of having children, he felt it was "too soon." Concerned that I couldn't wait another five years only to discover he no longer loved me, I sought clarity.
With the changes brought about by COVID-19, we no longer saw ourselves staying in London as remote work became commonplace. Unfortunately, my ex lost his job during the pandemic and decided to return to his home country after nearly a decade in London to spend time with his parents. We agreed he would stay with them for a few months before joining me in Vienna, where I had secured a job. However, things did not go as planned.
In January 2021, lockdowns resumed, and Vienna faced some of the strictest restrictions in Europe. With the city under lockdown, it made little sense for me to move there, particularly for my mental health. I opted to work from the Canary Islands instead. Just weeks before my planned relocation, the Canary Islands banned travelers from the UK, forcing me to make a quick decision. I chose Tanzania in East Africa, a place with fewer restrictions that allowed me to work by the beach. For once, I decided to prioritize myself, mirroring what my partner had done earlier.
My intention was to travel around Africa for five months and then reunite with my partner as life had been before. Yet, reality took an unexpected turn; the last time I saw him was the day he helped me to my taxi for the airport. How does a five-year relationship end in such a way?
How To Navigate Life After A Break-Up
Navigating life after a breakup can be challenging. This video explores practical tips and emotional insights to help you find your path forward.
Section 1.2: The Heartbreaking Split
Upon arriving in Africa, I was filled with excitement. We kept in touch daily, but I was unaware of the struggles he was facing. After two months apart, we decided to end our relationship during a video call. That day, I was on a safari—a once-in-a-lifetime experience—but the painful conversation cast a shadow over it. I cried all night, and even amidst the beauty of the safari, I couldn’t shake thoughts of our breakup.
For about a year post-breakup, we continued to communicate, sharing updates and checking in on each other. However, I eventually recognized the necessity of moving on. I unfollowed him on social media and deleted his contact information. While I didn't erase our memories, I understood that it was essential to cut off communication.
Reflecting on our relationship, I realized it had been quite codependent. I had lost touch with myself, placing him at the center of my universe, which affected my self-care and even led to weight gain. Entering the dating scene again, I began to understand my own desires and what I didn’t want in future relationships. I started spending more time alone, rediscovering my passions that had been dormant during our five years together.
Chapter 2: The Path to Self-Discovery
I learned to put myself first, to say no, and to heed my feelings. Journaling became a vital tool in this journey, allowing me to engage with my thoughts and emotions more deeply.
Rebuilding my confidence was one of the hardest yet most essential aspects of moving forward. Having transitioned from one relationship to another in the past, I made a commitment to avoid that pattern. I casually dated, not seeking true love but rather the joy and self-discovery it brought. To my surprise, I found that men were still interested in me after the breakup.
Now, I cherish my own company. I prioritize my well-being and spend quality time alone. I've learned to listen to my thoughts, write about them, and analyze them. I’ve come to realize that I am my own priority.
The Brutal TRUTH About Leaving a Long-Term Relationship
Ending a long-term relationship can be a painful truth to face. This video discusses the emotional realities and insights gained from such experiences.
In conclusion, the journey of healing after a significant relationship was fraught with challenges, especially while living a nomadic lifestyle and seeking distractions in social activities. However, this path of self-discovery has led me to prioritize my own well-being, embrace solitude, and become more attuned to my thoughts and emotions. While it hasn't been a straightforward road, I find contentment in my current state. I've moved on and no longer believe that one partner is meant to be your forever love. Instead, I view relationships as opportunities for personal growth, each partner teaching us more about ourselves. I’m grateful for the time we shared and the person I’ve become. I hold no bitterness or resentment. I wish my ex-boyfriend well, and if our paths are meant to cross again, I trust they will. But for now, it’s all about me, myself, and I.