Chapter 1: The Tumultuous Twenties

Navigating one's early twenties is often a challenging journey of self-exploration and acceptance. When you layer on significant trauma, it transforms this period into a compelling story — perhaps worthy of a bestseller. I found myself caught in a battlefield of emotional turmoil, and my body felt the toll.

During this time, I spiraled into a dark pit filled with thoughts of self-harm and profound depression. It felt as though no one truly cared about my mental health, and I bore the heavy burden of hyper-independence and isolation that is common in Western culture, albeit against my will.

My grandmother lived far away, and she longed for us to visit her. Her passing in December 2020 left me in a state of crisis. We shared a bond that transcended this life; we understood each other on a soul level. I often thought about how she would have had a closer confidante who truly got me.

Tragically, my father's family had alienated me from her, insisting that my mother cut ties with them. It was heartbreaking to witness my mother sacrifice so much because life had to revolve around my father. The repercussions of her choices stripped away my innocence.

I barely managed to graduate from college, a remarkable feat considering my entire family was unemployed. During that time, I found myself in a series of unfulfilling relationships that only brought more heartache, as I failed to grasp how men truly operate. I was on a quest for love, searching for validation that I did not receive at home, leaving a gaping void filled with desperation and hopelessness. My dreams felt unattainable, and I constantly battled feelings of powerlessness.

I operated from a place of deep pain, suffering from low self-esteem and confidence. Those who knew me during that time would say I was like a brick, emotionally unyielding. After graduating, I faced a culture shock regarding what it meant to be a woman in society. Nothing could prepare me for the harsh realities I encountered. My nervous system was in constant turmoil, reflecting the chaos of my life. Chronic health issues emerged as a direct consequence of my internal struggles, and I became acutely aware of how society, particularly in Manhattan, measured my worth as a woman of color.

A pivotal moment occurred on a date that plunged me into an existential crisis. I experienced psychological and physical abuse from a man visiting my town. For two months, I was in shock, unable to process what had happened. I would find myself sobbing at 2 AM, waking my mother from her sleep, unable to calm down. In a moment of added trauma, my own father told me I was the reason men lacked respect for me.

I reached a breaking point — I could no longer trust anyone. In my search for answers, I encountered a psychic who helped me reclaim the power I had lost. Everything I had been told about myself throughout my childhood turned out to be untrue.

Finally, after 11 long years, I returned to India to reconnect with family. It was a bittersweet experience, witnessing how much had changed in a decade. I felt a sense of peace as I basked in the sun after years of turmoil.

This journey back to India ignited my spiritual exploration. I met someone who ran a Kriya Yoga institute, and metaphysical signs began to manifest in my life.

Part 2 will delve into my journey of truly escaping the trenches.

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This article was published on September 3rd, 2024, in the Deep. Sweet. Valuable. publication.

Chapter 2: Embracing Spiritual Awakening

The first video, "Tauren Wells, Donald Lawrence & Co. - Trenches (Sunday A.M.) [Stellar Awards Version]," encapsulates the struggles and triumphs of overcoming adversity, resonating deeply with my own journey.

The second video, "Morray - Trenches (Official Music Video)," captures the essence of rising above challenges, making it a fitting reflection of my path to healing and self-discovery.