Preparing for the Appointment

With just 51 minutes until my first therapy session, anxiety fills me. Although I have attended therapy in the past, it has been over four years, and I’m apprehensive about what to expect.

I understand that during this initial meeting, my therapist will focus on getting to know me rather than diving deep into my issues. However, I can’t shake my nerves. Here are a few reasons why:

1. Fear of Reality: I worry that the root of my problems may extend beyond just needing medication for anxiety and depression. I know that some challenges require genuine effort to overcome, and that prospect feels daunting.
2. Desire for Immediate Solutions: My perfectionist tendencies make me crave quick fixes. I wish for a clear plan to regain my sense of self as soon as I leave the session. Logically, I know healing takes time, but the impatience is hard to silence.
3. Reluctance to Burden Others: The thought of sharing my problems makes me uneasy. It feels uncomfortable to ask for help, and I often wrestle with loneliness as a result.

These feelings have been building since I scheduled this appointment three months ago, and I wonder how much of my insurance will cover. Balancing finances and time off work adds another layer of complexity.

I hope that even if I can’t continue therapy after today, I might find some inspiration to help myself heal. While I believe some issues stem from anxiety and depression, many aspects of my life need attention and growth.

After the Session

In retrospect, the visit was quite standard. My therapist asked questions to gauge my situation, and I shared my thoughts for about an hour before completing some paperwork and leaving.

Reflecting on the nerves I had before:

1. I realize now that I was seeking a straightforward answer to my struggles. However, I need to confront deeper issues that medication alone won't resolve. It's essential to open up and work through these challenges, even if it feels uncomfortable.
2. My tendency to seek perfection hasn't vanished. I must continually acknowledge this and work to release that need.
3. I still feel apprehensive about asking for help, but I recognize it's part of the process.

Overall, my therapist seems approachable, and I’m hopeful that our sessions will provide a balance between guidance and a safe space to express myself. She noted my struggles with depression, anxiety, and social anxiety, which I accepted—it's clear I have some work ahead.

One question that stood out was, "If your boyfriend were here, how would he describe you?" I chuckled, realizing that my tendency to overthink is apparent even to those close to me. This acknowledgment is a crucial step in addressing my thought patterns.

As our conversation unfolded, I recognized the importance of expressing my feelings in the moment rather than overanalyzing them.

This session has undoubtedly opened up new avenues for self-reflection. I was surprised to get through the entire hour without swearing—an indication that I was genuinely delving into my feelings.

My therapist and I agreed to meet every three weeks, which is manageable for now. I look forward to seeing what we uncover together.

If you're in a similar situation, I hope you find the peace and healing you deserve. It's high time we all prioritize our mental health.

Here's an insightful video titled "What happens during a first therapy appointment?" by Kati Morton, which explores the typical experience in an initial therapy session.

Additionally, check out "What to expect in your first therapy session" for further insights into the process.