# The Politeness Paradox: Do We Humanize Alexa?
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Chapter 1: Understanding Our Interactions with Alexa
Recently, I found myself saying "please" and "thank you" to Alexa, and I began to wonder if I was alone in this behavior. With a shrug of acceptance, I turned to Google and discovered that this phenomenon is indeed quite common, to the point where it has sparked concern among experts. Who knew there was a whole field of study focused on our interactions with technology? Research has shown that this behavior, while seemingly harmless, has raised eyebrows among specialists like Sherry Turkle, a psychologist at MIT. She refers to these devices as "pretend empathy objects" that lack any real understanding of human emotions. So, it turns out, I'm not unique, just part of a larger trend. But why is this unsettling?
In a piece by A. Pawlowski in TODAY, Sherry concludes with a troubling thought: treating machines as if they are human can lead us to view ourselves as mere objects in this new game of artificial intimacy.
Despite my grumpiness when issuing commands, Alexa's cheerful and courteous responses remain unwavering. Whether I ask her to turn off the lights or request silly sounds, her upbeat tone never falters.
If I’m not mistaken, the origins of polite behavior stemmed from the need to maintain peace and avoid conflicts. Consider the chaos of ancient taverns, where space was limited, and patrons were often armed. It was crucial to keep elbows off tables to ensure comfort for all. Over time, these practical behaviors evolved into social norms. Take Ivanka and Jared, for instance; I doubt they would eat with their elbows on the table, regardless of how much space they have.
I hope no young readers take this as a cue to ignite a dinner revolution, but the evolution of etiquette seems to swing from rational to absurd. Regardless of its sensibility, behaving politely tends to make us feel good about ourselves, perhaps because it has been ingrained in us from a young age. My mother, for example, wielded a long wooden spoon to enforce table manners, despite her nonchalance about using it to serve food after it had touched a sibling's head.
Growing up in a family of six, my father had just started a new job after working as a busboy. One day, he took us out for a special dinner at a Chinese restaurant, where the decor was nice, yet we were seated near the kitchen's swinging doors—definitely not ideal. As we sat down, my little brother accidentally dropped a knife, and my father told him not to bother picking it up. “The busboy will take care of it,” he said, and we all thought it was pretty cool. Soon, the rest of us followed suit, adding to the clatter on the floor.
Somewhere along the line, it became unacceptable to pick up silverware in a fancy restaurant. Perhaps it's about hygiene, but at home, it was always expected to clean up after oneself—especially with a mother who had that spoon at the ready. This illustrates how etiquette changes over time.
Lately, I've been uncomfortable with my daughter’s abruptness towards Alexa. I understand her frustration, but it triggers my own aversion to rudeness. Even if Alexa is just a machine, I don't feel that treating it with respect diminishes our humanity. In fact, it reflects our values. Who wants to live in an environment where commands are barked like orders?
Yet, I admit it feels odd. I know from shows like Battlestar Galactica that our relationship with technology could evolve in unforeseen ways.
In my search for understanding, I also looked into the word "please," which is derived from the phrase “if it pleases you,” possibly tracing back to the French expression, "S'il vous plaît."
Section 1.1: The Impact of Politeness on Human Behavior
Politeness towards AI raises questions about our own social behaviors and how we perceive interactions with technology.
>This section explores the psychological implications of treating AI with respect.
Subsection 1.1.1: Historical Context of Etiquette
Section 1.2: The Evolution of Table Manners
This section delves into the transformation of dining etiquette from practical behavior to societal norms.