Chapter 1: Rise and Shine

I wake up at exactly 6:30 AM without needing an alarm—my body's internal clock is always set. Glancing at my Fitbit, I see a sleeping score of 92! Consistent high scores all week; I’m clearly the sleep champion.

Afterward, I head to the bathroom for my morning ritual. I might not feel the urge, but I sit there until my body gets the hint. Starting the day without a bowel movement is simply unacceptable; healthy poops equal a healthy life—my personal motto.

While on the toilet, I resist the urge to scroll through my phone or read. Did you know that prolonged sitting on the loo can lead to hemorrhoids? Not a pleasant thought. It’s essential to be present in the moment.

Next, I wash my face and scrape my tongue—a practice I previously didn’t even know existed. A bit gross, but necessary.

In the kitchen, I prepare my usual morning concoction: warm lemon water with sea salt and honey. Ayurveda teaches that cold drinks can hinder digestion, which might explain my morning struggles.

Now, it’s time for yoga. I stretch and move to energize my body, but I avoid high-intensity workouts before breakfast to protect my long-term health.

At last, I settle in for meditation. I aim for a minimum of one hour, even if my mind wanders to breakfast ideas. Regular meditation is known to halve stress levels, and we all know stress is a silent killer.

After meditation, I prepare breakfast. In my less informed days, I used to start my day with toast topped with melted cheese. Thanks, parents, for that breakfast inspiration.

Now, I savor oatmeal made with almond milk, topped with fruits and nuts. I thought it was healthy until I learned oatmeal can spike sugar levels, leaving me drained. Perhaps that’s why I’m still unemployed.

I whip up a protein-rich omelet with one whole egg and two egg whites, cooked in my fancy non-stick pan that cost me $139.98—what a steal!

While cooking, I watch EatMoveRest on YouTube, but I turn it off before eating. It’s crucial to enjoy your meals in peace; I focus on the flavors while listening to the birds outside. If they’re not chirping, I play bird sounds on my speaker.

After breakfast, I joke that I don’t drink coffee—I prefer an organic Lion's Mane coffee substitute while reading CleanEatingKitchen articles. I follow various health websites to stay informed, including Healthline and Tiny Buddha.

Suddenly, I read that the best dinnerware is 100% ceramic. Horrified by my current plates, I toss them out and order a new set for $357. Health is priceless, right? But my bank account disagrees.

Not dwelling on that, I grab a banana. The optimal eating pattern consists of five small meals daily to keep energy steady and avoid overeating.

I prepare all my meals at home—who knows what’s in restaurant food? Speaking of which, I need to head out. I dress in 100% cotton clothes, grab my stainless-steel water bottle, and eco-friendly grocery bag, and go to the farmer's market.

I exclusively buy fresh, locally-grown organic produce. The avocados here are top-notch, even if I’m unsure how they’re grown in Ohio.

I select the most oddly shaped fruits and veggies, knowing they’re likely free of wax. I pay $98 for a small bag of groceries, which would cost $15 elsewhere. Quality over cost!

Back home, I whip up a garden veggie tofu salad with crispy falafel and lemon yogurt sauce, which takes me two hours to prepare. Worth every minute.

A post-lunch walk is essential for digestion and mental clarity. I focus on green objects, as research shows they positively affect health. My neighbor gives me a strange look as I stare at his lawn mower—odd fellow.

Feeling rejuvenated, I’m ready for a workout. I do a ten-minute warm-up, forty minutes of HIIT, and twenty minutes of stretching. Energized, I squeeze fresh orange juice for my fourth meal.

Shower time! I dry brush my skin and indulge in Abyangha—a fancy term for oiling up. I scrub down with plant-based cosmetics, using cold water to stay alert.

Time flies, and suddenly it’s 6 PM. I hastily prepare a light dinner of avocado on sourdough with lettuce and tomato, ensuring I eat three hours before bed.

After dinner, I indulge in a feel-good movie—Cowspiracy, again!

By 9 PM, I’m winding down. I brush my teeth, practice face yoga, and dive into my latest read, The Science of Nutrition. I hope for a sequel soon!

By 10 PM, I’m lights out, electronics stored away, waiting for sleep with my silk Nidra Deep Rest Eye Mask. Another successful day in the books! I’m so healthy I might just live to 100—if I can afford my organic eggs tomorrow.

Agata Szymula is a travel enthusiast with a modest monthly writing income of $11, which she spends on coffee despite trying to quit for five years. Her ultimate goal is to improve her writing skills and eventually afford food. Though she dislikes writing about herself in the third person, she made an exception to emulate cool Medium writers. If you'd like to support her habit, consider buying her next cup of coffee. ❤

Chapter 2: The Daily Grind of Healthy Living

This chapter contains insights on balancing health with daily responsibilities while maintaining a humorous perspective on the challenges of modern wellness.